But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.-Matthew 6:33
This was my main spiritual focus for 2014. My guiding principle.
Seeking the kingdom first, got me a royal experience of warfare for 2014.
From December 2013, I was actively being affected by the symptoms of my fibroids. Pain, discomfort, circulation issues, etc. By August 2014, it was decided I needed immediate surgery. I was broke so I had to postpone it until December 2014.
I started school in September 2014 and that caused me to take on further debt. We had assignments every week and they were mostly group assignments. Di stress did tun up!! Here enters the unwanted stress of group dynamics and sour personalities. Sigh. For three months, I tried to maintain a level head and pushed aside the urge to cast some of my group mates to the pit of hell.
At work, my boss upped her antics and this volcano erupted. I could not take anymore. By the time I was done, she had malice me, we were in it with HR and my psychotic tendencies were simmering. Stress was my constant companion for two months and I got no work assignments in that time. It ended, by November 2014, with me being transferred to a new department, a new boss and new coworkers.
During this time into December 2014, someone again damaged my car mirror and it was five levels of hell to get it fixed. It almost put me in jeopardy with my insurance and I was two shades close to hiring assassins to take out everyone who had a part in driving me to the twelfth dimension of hell in 2014.
I outlived, outprayed and survived all these ‘Hunger Games‘ trials in 2014.
Next was the surgery for which I needed half a million dollars. Some friends and some family members donated. I ended up with half the funds. By December 18, 2014 I was on an operation table, praying for death and just wanting to be hastened to heaven rather than surviving to fight the never ending battles which was my life’s duty it seemed.
My dual surgery had complications and only one procedure could be done. The doctors found surprises and I lost half my blood because they had to do the procedure inside vs. taking the organ outside. When, I woke I knew something was up. I was filled with more holes than a sponge, which means they went treasure hunting for veins. An almost impossible task in a cold operating room.
Later the updates came in, the anesthesiologist chastised me for my last words before going under. That’s the ‘power of words’; specifically my words. Remember, I didn’t necessarily want to survive the surgery. I made sure my meager estate was in order and my wishes were known, just in case. Nonetheless, I was being monitored around the clock by nurses every few minutes. After the first day where I slept and built back my blood supplies, I grew stronger and bounced back quickly. A marvel for the poor nurses who didn’t know that this surgery was a walk in the park for me.
By day three, I was ready to go home and refusing to stay one more miserable, restless, sleep deprived night. The administration had more surprises for me. Because of the complications, my hospital bill more than doubled. My heart fell, my mind sunk and I was tempted to tell God that I was over being a King’s Kid, without a King’s bank account. I wanted to throw a tantrum but I was so shell shocked, if you cut me, you wouldn’t draw blood. I decided to give him the debt and focus on recovery.
I had fought the battles. I had swum the seas. I had run the race and I was dead tired. I decided to chuck everything over to the master and seek Him first. I am sure he heard all the complaints and cursings that I had for Him, but it doesn’t seem like He disowned me because of them. If anything, he gave me peace in the midst of the sand storm.
The year 2014 ended with me in bed recovering and ignoring the fact that I was $500,000 in debt. The year 2015 started with me still in debt and my wound causing me more worries.
But here I stand.
I can do nothing else but stand, because it is all beyond my capabilities. What seems like an impossible situation has forced me to rely totally on God’s help. The rescue is all him.
Copyright © 2015 · All Rights Reserved · Denise N. Fyffe